It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

Living right beside our community pool has given me a plethora of opportunities to creep creep out my window at my neighbors.  It's a motley crew here on Lovers Lane, lemme tell ya.

  

Lets start with what's going on at this moment...Cougar-town.

Every Friday night a bunch of divorcees saunter out to the pool area in their capri pants and flowing, floral tops.  Double-fisting glasses of wine, they sit around and gossip and chain smoke and discuss the evils of man.  Luis is (legit) afraid to go outside after dark when this is happening.  

One of them is either a) a crackhead, or b) the community prostitute.  I don't know what's going on, but she's in and out of multiple units all day long.  She looks about 100 years old - a little like tanning bed mom, in fact, but with a dark bob. One of the weirdest things is that she sometimes has a little girl with her, who calls her "mommy".  I have no idea how this women is capable of conceiving a child at her age.  I have fantasies that the crackhead (PROSTITUTION WHORE! <-- Real Housewives of New Jersey...anyone?  anyone?) kidnapped this poor little girl and it's up to me to save her.  But then that seems like a lot of work, so c'est la vie.    

Then there is the lesbian softball team who has giant parties at the pool.  All girls-wearing-board-shorts pool parties.  I don't know if any of them even live here.  

One guy with bright rainbow shorts lays almost every day for HOURS.  He's always on his back though.  Doesn't flip over.  I don't get it.  For someone who so obviously like to tan, he sure doesn't have a efficient system.  Sometimes his wife/girlfriend/lady lover comes out with him. She is equally as tan, but prefers to lay on a float in the water.  What bugs me about her is that she leaves the float at the pool when she's done.  I don't understand.  Is she trying to be a cool lady and leave her float for others to enjoy?  Or does she have a warped sense of entitlement and thinks she can just leave her stuff wherever she feels like it, for the rest of us to deal with?  All I'm saying is if she comes down to the pool one day and that blue floaty is slashed to pieces, don't come knocking on my door.  It wasn't me...