Shhhhhhhh!

He's sleeping.  If anyone rings my doorbell or the cat meows loudly or the washing machine spins out of control and wakes him up, brace yourself because I WILL CUT A BITCH.
But for now, sweet sweet silence as he sleeps.

I birthed a baby.  
Hence the long absence from the ol' bloggy blog.
I'll spare you the details of the birthing story (unless you want to know and then I'll tell you in gory detail because I LOVE talking about it) but the quick and dirty version is that it was NOT quick and it WAS quite dirty.

Tobin is 10 weeks old now.  Seems like he's always been here, but I also can keenly remember my pre-baby life filled with long, boring days and long, lovely naps.  No more, my friend.  
It's been replaced with days that fly by because there isn't a second off.  I mean, right now he's sleeping and I'm typing on my computer, but there are a million things that I should be doing - take a shower, laundry, vacuum, toilets, thank you notes, and on and on and on. 

I complain a lot.

Toby is awesome.  He's a mini human being and it's so crazy that he's alive and existing when at this time last year he wasn't, except in my feverish baby desiring mind.  I think he's super smart.  I mean, he's only 10 weeks and he's doing stuff that babies don't start doing till 11 or 12 weeks.  Basically a genius.  And don't tell me any different because remember I'm severely sleep deprived and I WILL CUT A BITCH.  

Luis and I really need to go on a date night to remember that we like each other.  It's time.  We need to figure out what to do though - I'm leaning heavily towards hiring a baby sitter, checking in to a hotel room, getting naked, and taking a nap* for 4 hours.  What a dream!  Sounds like the perfect date to me.  Now I just have to get Luis on board.

I should wrap this up before I over-overshare or disappoint my parents further by using more profanity.

Happy Tuesday!  Bust out the winter gear - it's freezing out there!

____________________________________________________________________
*No secret code here.  I literally intend to take a nap.  In a bed all to myself, if that's an option.

TMI?

Welp, its August.  

I am a sweaty, sweaty pig these days.  And it's not even been that hot, for Texas summers.  Not that I'm even going outside - I sweat in air conditioning.  I've always kinda been a sweaty girl, but add 50 lbs to my frame and it's a whole new level.  Taking it up a notch, or ten.    

And it's not this kind of sweaty, 

it's more like this sweaty:

I am very attractive.

My poor husband.  I think he sorta knew what he was getting into when he married me (I've always been a girl who placed comfort at the top of the priority list), but this pregnancy deal really unleashed the slovenly beast.  Last week he came home from work and the first thing he said upon seeing me is "Why aren't you wearing pajamas?!"  Like, he was so shocked to see me in clothing that was not 100% cotton and elastic.  

Sorry boo.  I'll work on it.  AFTER the baby is born.

    

Burritos and full frontal. And a cat.

I had Chipotle for lunch today.  I haven't had it since we moved to Plano - so that's a good 120 days without a burrito in my belly.  That was remedied, and now I feel siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick.  Ugh.  Regrets.  I probably would not feel this way if I had a smidgen of self control and stopped eating when I was full.  But no.  Especially when it comes to Chipotle.  Do I look like the kind of girl who doesn't finish a burrito?  I think not.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, no one even knows I have a burrito baby because my body is morphing into the Venus of Willendorf.  For all of you who weren't art majors (and therefore are probably much more successful and rich than I'll ever be), this is the old gal:

Sorry I'm not sorry for the full frontal nudity.  It's ART, people.

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, eh?  I'm in the third trimester - 31 weeks, what what!  That means 9 weeks to go, and maybe less if Gummy comes early and maybe more, if God hates me.  I have completed a billion classes at the hospital and am full of information and visuals that probably will be useless when faced with an actual baby but for the moment make me feel like at least I'm semi-prepared.  

 
The garden survived!  It's in full bloom and we're starting to get actually veggies!  

It's been super touch and go and I've made a million mistakes, but next year my garden will be the shiz.  I've picked zucchini and green beans already, and we've got okra coming in and tomatoes too.  All these veggies will be great when I need to stop being a pig and shed this baby weight.

Fourth of July is coming up, which means fireworks and parties and me reprising my semi-regular role as  designated driver. Nothing says "AMERICA!" like a ice cold...water bottle.
Happy Independence Day people.

God bless America.

Home sweet home.

It's May!  I'm really excited about that, for absolutely no good reason.  May just seems like a good month.  Might be the schools-almost-over(!!!) feeling that's ingrained in me brain.  Speaking of, it's been almost a WHOLE YEAR since I was in the classroom.  Holy moly.  I've been sitting on my ass for a whole year.  What a dreamy dream!

Garden update: things are growing! I was a little nervous for awhile, but it's comin' around.  Some plants, like okra and green beans, are beasts - while others, like my poor carrots and basil, are struggling.  

  here she is!

In the next few days I have to play god and decide which plants to thin out (aka destroy) to make room for the best looking plants to grow.  Seems harsh - my little babies that I've grown from seeds...if you're not looking plush, its the end of the game.  Sorry.

I've also got about 10 pots of back-up seedlings growing.  Basically I've got more plants than I know what to do with, so if anyone wants a seedling or twelve, let me know.

Along the same lines, I've been working on some curb appeal.  The house came with some pretty bleak landscaping, so I've planted a bunch of rose bushes along the front beds, and stuck some potted plants on the front porch.  I'm in love with my lavender plant the most.

I've never had a lot of success with keeping plants alive, but I figured out that the key is watering. Plants do so much better when I water them.  

Baby steps.

In indoor news, I've decided to set up my creative space in our front room.  Maybe not the most aesthetically pleasing (desk in front of the window - gasp!) but I just couldn't set up a room that had no real purpose.   I think as Gummy gets older it'll transition into a play room area as well.  I'm loving the natural lighting for painting, and Gilbert has claimed it as his favorite spot.

We haven't had many people over, but Luis and I want to have a housewarming party, soon.  This month.  Watch for an evite.  

(Evite rant:  PEOPLE.  It is 2014.  Email has been around forever and I KNOW you check that mess everyday.  Don't ignore the evite.  Read it.  Look at your calendar.  Respond.  Seriously.  I know you've seen it - it tells me when it's been viewed.  I judge you, evite slackers.  End rant.) 

holy baby batman!

*this post is all pregnancy, beginning to end.  if that's not your thing, move along.  i'm gonna try to not make a habit of it, but it's my thing right now so i might as well let it all out in one splurge.*

**we call the baby gummy, because the first time we saw it on the ultrasound the technician told us that it was the size of a gummy bear. (awwwww!)**

not sure if its the human growin in my innards or what, but i'm so effing lazy these past few weeks.  and gone are the excuses of first trimester sickness and exhaustion - i'm supposed to be feeling the best i'm gonna feel while pregnant.  i struggle to get anything done.  today i went grocery shopping, and granted, whole foods at lunch time on a monday is nightmarish, but i got home and CRASHED.  a quick i'll just lay on my bed and read for 30 minutes turned into a 3 hour nap.  a pants off, under-the-sheets, drool on the pillow nap.  i don't play around.

in a week i go for my 20 week ultrasound which means (ta-da!) we get the find out if gummy is a boy or a girl!  luis is convinced it's a boy, which makes me a little nervous because there's no way to know that and i don't want him to be disappointed if it's a girl.  i really am happy either way - in my ideal world i get one boy and one girl.  i kinda want boy first, to be the big brother, but, it's not crucial.  and it's pretty much out of my control, so what's the point of obsessing over it?  well, because i'm pregnant and that's all i do, obsess over things.

finding out gender means being able to start the shopping, which is really the best part of all.  so many cute cute things.  today i bought my first two nursery items - a couple decorating pieces from an antique store.

                                                     

giant diaper pin for wall

golden giraffe box to put tiny treasures in, like, the crusty umbilical cord piece that falls off

luis thinks maybe i should save our money for things that gummy needs - like a stroller or a carseat - but i'm a firm believer that my child will want a properly decorated, pinterest worthy nursery. 

what else, what else...
i can feel gummy moving around, which is weird and wonderful.  a friend told me that once the baby starts to move it gets a lot more fun, and i agree.  all the months of knowing i was pregnant but not really having any proof other than getting pudgy and not having to buy tampons were sucky.  i'm really excited for when movements get stronger and luis can feel gummy from the outside.  

i need a good place to buy maternity clothes.  recommendations?  i've been disappointed by target, and old navy is eh, and other stores are too expensive for my cheap ass.  i heard burlington has a maternity section, and i just need to muster up the courage to enter.  i always have flashbacks to hours spent at burlington easter dress shopping as a little girl.  my heart is racing just thinking about it.  jesus take the wheel.

Hairdresser needed. STAT.

I'm having a hard time with hairdressers.  Not that they aren't capable of doing their job - most of the time they manage to do something  with this bush o' hair.
The real problem is skinny and blonde.  The last three hairdressers - skinny, blonde, adorable little hipsters.  Picture Mary Kate and Ashley behind the chair.

                             

It's not what you think.  I'm not a hater.  For realz.
Good for them, being all skinny and good with fashion and makeup and white teeth and jutting collarbones. Good for them.
Here's the prob:
Things start to get real when the gown thing goes on (you know, that black plastic-y mumu that's all tight around the collar and suddenly your body is trapped in a sauna and you just KNOW you're coming out of there with some pit stains.  That gown thing.)

So, you're there, in the gown, and all you really see in the mirror is your head sticking out.  That, and your cute hipster hairdresser's head.  Cue the self-loathing.

WHY does my head have to be 10 times larger than the hairdressers?

I can't even.
It's all I see the whole time - my giant noggin and her tiny-yet-perfectly-proportioned head.  I can't stop looking.  I can't help it.  The comparison.  The size difference.  Its the worst.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????

This is America.  We are the land of the fatties.  SO, why aren't any of them cutting my hair?  I need to find someone giant, especially in the head region, if I want to feel good about myself again.  If you have any suggestions, lemme know.
I'm serious.

Nothing to see here, people. Move on.

I was going to say that I'm working on becoming the ultimate stay at home mom.  Which is so gross and annoying. I'm sorry.
 And let's be honest, I'm never going to be the ultimate.  

Revision:  I'm working on becoming a half-ass stay at home mom (henceforth shortened to the hip abbreviation "HASAHM").

Here's what I'm doing:

1.  Not working.  Therefore, staying at home. Check!

2.  Growing a baby in me belly.  In 5 months, if things don't go sideways, I'll have the mom part, ready or not. Check and check!

I'm basically already there.

I'm also:

3.  Growing a garden. So far, all I have is a square of dirt in the backyard.  But this weekend, that dirt is going to get all fancied up and hopefully one day produce some food.  I feel like there is no way I can actually pull it off, gardening (I can't even keep a cactus alive), but I'm gonna try people.  I desperately want to be the person who has a garden.  

Here she is, in all her glory:

I mean, I never promised that all my blog posts would be interesting.